Friday, January 13, 2006

Just gotta say something


You know...I am a deeply religious person. I love God, read my Bible and attend religious services whenever I can. We serve in our church and do some community service, so I am not approaching this topic as an outsider.

About 15 years ago, my nephew died of brain cancer. He was 6 years old. He was the cutest, sweetest, most wonderful little boy. When we found out he had cancer (age 3) it hit us all like a ton of bricks. I prayed and I prayed. When he died it came as a shock to me, because I really believed he would be healed. I learned something about death, dieing, and life. I learned about hope, having your hopes dashed and I learned about real faith.

Recently I was reading a blog that is one of my favorites. The woman who writes this blog lost her husband in Iraq. She has started this blog for her son and to help her work through some of her grief. I have tissue handy when I read her blog. It is gut wrenchingly real. She is not melodramatic. She is honest. My heart goes out to her.

Anyway I was reading her blog and I happened across a comment that was left anonymously (of course). I will spare you the link. In a nut shell it was all about how she had to accept this, it was God's will etc., etc. It made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to write a scathing reply but thought "Why leave a message like that on this blog. Why add insult to injury?"

So I thought perhaps I might broach the subject on my blog. I have had a chance to calm down. I have had a chance to think about it logically and with less emotion than I had yesterday.

Can I say I think it is the height of rudeness to leave a message anonymously? If you don't have the cojones to leave your name...then keep your comments to yourself. If you fear retribution over your comments because they might be insensitive...they probably are.

Can I say that more harm is done by seemingly "religious" comments that are said with an air of superiority or an air of "here is a lesson you need to learn" than is warranted. I don't have an issue with a "May God be with you" or "I am praying for you". I DO have an issue with "what you need to understand..." attitudes. A spouse who has lost their beloved doesn't NEED to understand anything!

Can I say we all need to be able to grieve without someone standing in judgment?? Don't we deserve to be able to let our emotions flow? My God, this woman lost her husband, the father of her infant son! I think she has earned the right to pour her heart out without fear of chicken sh*t leaving an anonymous post about how she is suppose to grieve.

But let me tell you how I really feel! LOL. Just kidding I am not going to let it fly here.

Back to my dear nephew. It took me 6 years before I could speak of him without crying. Even now...I still have tender feelings for that baby. When he passed away I said one thing to my sister. I told her that I wasn't going to tell her some stupid things like "I know how you feel" or "Its' God's will". I said that I couldn't possibly know how she felt and God doesn't want anyone to perish. I had no idea what to say so I wasn't going to say anything other than I was thinking of her and if I could do anything; just ask. Period. No lectures, no Bible thumping, no chastisements.


Real faith has nothing to do with using God as a magic genie. Real faith knows it has to go through the storm and not find a magic formula to go around the storm. Real faith reaches out to others who are going through the storm. Real faith doesn't throw stones at others who are being taken through a storm. Don't believe me? Read the book of Job.

So, I feel better. I got that off my chest. Comments?

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